Added on: June 21, 2012

What Becomes Dirty...
Average Rating: 5 (2 votes) Rate this comic
June 21, 2012
There's a lot of fan-service here, maybe a little too much- I'm not sure. This chapter is going to be pretty story-heavy though, so something appealing visually might balance it out.

I'm not sure about the last two panels. I think I tried to squeeze a complicated joke into two small panels. She still hasn't gotten used to seeing her reflection in the mirror (since her physical changes).

I might either edit those panels, or just edit her "what the?!" comment to something more specific.


June 21, 2012
Grey Garou
It sounds to me like you're feeling rather ambivalent about certain elements to your stories.
June 21, 2012
I think it's just that something seems a little off here, and I'm not sure what.
June 21, 2012
Grey Garou
With dialouge, panel flow, the joke, maybe the "fan-service"?
June 23, 2012
I guess the last two panels need some kind of change. Either just a dialog change, or changing the artwork in the "what the?!" panel.

I'm always uncertain about any potentially controversial page when I don't finish it far enough in advance to really think it over. With this page I had to post it before I had time to come to a conclusion about it.

I guess the fan-service is okay. It's kind of a lot compared to the rest of the comic so far, but not something that seems totally out of place.
June 26, 2012
Grey Garou
Well, the fan-service is kind of necessary to get the joke to work. My guess is perhaps the three panels that the joke is in could be more clear on what the joke is exactly. The second panel is rather amibiguous on that. Perhaps if she was looking down at her chest, it might have more impact.

Frankly, I hardly see any controversy at all with a bit of cheesecake. It's not vulgar or obscene or anything like that. So many mainstream comics are far more guilty than you on the cheesecake factor, FAR more guilty. The most "obscene" thing that can really be said about your art is you like well-endowed women. So do millions of other guys, including me.
July 26, 2012
Caley Tibbittz Collopy
It's pretty tastefully done, I don't see an issue. I've been skittish about the nudity/cheesecake/adult content in my own comic, but none of it is for its own sake alone; there's always a story or thematic or character-building purpose. This is a really good character page.
August 12, 2018
I have no problem with fan service that belongs in the story, but the first panel seems disproportionate to me.
If the back curves are her under-arms and behind and the thicker line separates her legs, her torso seems too small, and I can't figure what the slimmer line in the middle is about. It almost would make sense if she was turned towards the reader only above her waist, but that would be it's own kind of strange.
August 15, 2018
I agree, there's at least several wrong things about it. Her proportions do seem strange. I think the line in the center of her under her chest is meant to be her hips, but not quite her legs yet.

This page is from 2012 though, so maybe I can blame past me and not current me? Hopefully if I drew it again I could do it with fewer errors.